On winning, losing, and the amazing art (and necessity) of creative exciting penny pinching, then thinking "to post or not to post"

Warning : This blog post is about to become extremely unusual (for me)...plus - heart-felt, real, and emotional...for those of you who know me well, I'm ordinarily pretty heartfelt and real, (I think?? lol...but not openly emotional) And there are no pictures...very weird. Just the heartfelt ramblings of a passionate and artistic mind...(Just pretend that's a fact.)

So...it's definitely been a while since my last post. There's a couple reasons for that : 1. Life (got in the way? In all its awesomeness, not negatively) 2. I'd been working on a blog post about something that had occurred...then debated about posting it due to an astonishing outcome that resulted one week later...so I'm like...to post or not to post, that is the question...(long pause...hmmm) ehh, to post!! Here was my original post about which took place about a month ago :

Good Evening!! Lately, most ALL of my blog posts have been dedicated to sweet baby Clara, who I absolutely love blogging about, but recently...since Thursday to be exact, there's been something else on my mind, which I haven't shared with many people, and feel that writing about it might actually help me deal with the emotional turmoil and stress of this circumstance.

I've worked at my current job for 6 years, (I probably shouldn't mention specifically where it is, but if you know me, or work with me, you know where to find me), and there have been some many trials and tribulations as with all places of employment...and it has been a difficult job, but this year, I really felt as if things were definitely looking up and I was feeling a huge sense of accomplishment. My choir program has been building (95+ kids in winter choir this year), I finally have my entire general music curriculum (which I've designed from scratch) in place...and it's working which is awesome considering general music takes a while to master at a middle school, and I began teaching some instrumental lessons, and the schedule was better, and I felt like the students and I were at a great place on our journey...and it took a while to get there. I had never planned on being a middle school teacher, but at some point...I began to feel like this is where God was leading me...Like I was supposed to make a difference for students in such a vulnerable and difficult stage in their lives...and I embraced that...and I was getting really good at it...It's actually an art, and for all my fellow middle school teachers...don't you agree??

I've always been an exceedingly positive person and I can usually turn something in shambles into something awesome...and I pride myself in that. I was really starting to feel empowered here...

So, in January when I had my baby, I went out on pregnancy leave, and I have a wonderful individual who is taking over for me right now which is awesome. (Shout out to my fantastic long-term sub...Don't know if she wants her name in here)

I've got had some amazing ideas for next year and I've been putting together an awesome new classroom design/organization concept...things were going great!! During my time in this district, I've really given it my all...and continually striven (striven seems to be a real word since it wasn't identified by the auto-correct thingamabobber, but apparently...thingamabobber is not) to push myself and my students to the next level each and every second that I've taught at this school over the passed 6 years. I've been involved in multitudes of extra curricular activities, and have planned and prepared different events and concerts...For the passed 2 years, the choir has gone on a trip with Ladies of Excellence around Christmas to a nursing home and put on a big performance, we've done Barnes and Noble night, the talent show, pep rallies...list goes on and on. I've co-advised the dance team (shout out to Mrs. Lehman!!) and directed a couple musical with the drama club. I digress...I feel like I'm trying to prove something.  Where am I going with this?

Anyway, the point is...and long story short, due to budget cuts, our district is losing 15 positions next year and mine is one of them. Yes, I've lost my job. In fact, the music program is losing 2 great teachers...It's horrible. Two weeks ago, we received an award for "Best Communities in Education", this week, we're on the chopping block...the irony astounds me!! It's definitely going to take a huge toll on the music program as everyone else scrambles to cover all of our classes, and our classes are extremely full.

Over the passed 6 years, I've struggled with gigantic class sizes, and a huge choir, half of which can't even fit into my classroom...and for which there was no room in the day for...so it was always after school, up until 2 years ago, when the choir was split into 3 groups, 2 during the day, 1 after school. We lost 2 positions 6 years ago, and now 2 more. It makes me incredibly sad...not even as much for myself but for all my students and for the strides we've made...and all for what?? I know there are much more unfortunate things happening in our world today, and I thank God every day for what I have...but I can't help to feel hurt, frustrated, overwhlemed...not to mention, extremely nervous financially now that we have a baby...I'm suddenly thinking and rethinking about all our expenses and how we can cut and be more frugal and (driving Jon crazy...), not that we spend much $...and I feel guilty for buying a house that we really love...and I think to myself...should we have stayed where we were (no, ummm there was a murder around the corner) and I never want our baby to feel like we're not completely financially stable...which we are...these are just irrational thoughts...but still. Jon says so calmly and honestly "Babe, it's just a little bump in the road...That's all it is, hon."

Bump in the road - maybe?? We had gotten to a point in our lives where everything was working...it was working...and that says so much, and now I'm forced to suddenly reevaluate...Who am I?? I was so used to (and I loved) being Mrs. Botbyl...and my students knowing me...really knowing me...and knowing what I was trying to accomplish for them...and feeling a sense of freedom and happiness...and strength...and excitement in that. Now, I'm just not sure where I'm being lead...or if maybe there's something else out there for me. Thank you so much for listening to my heartfelt rambling on something I feel so passionate about. I decided to put together a little photo collage...some hi-lights from my music classes...If you're reading this, and any of these projects, designs...etc bring back a great memory, I've done my job...and I've done it well...and I'm happy.

Now for the Outcome : I have my job back!! Many teachers have not been so lucky, unfortunately, and I truly feel for them. I have been praying and praying about it, and I'm exceedingly lucky to be in this position right now!! There was an amazingly incredible amount of support from all the parents and staff members, and I feel unimaginably blessed and thankful...and Jon was right after all, as usual - It was just a "little bump in the road"...

Just a brief side-note pertaining to the title of this post, I'm still loving the amazing art (and necessity) of creative exciting penny pinching, but I'm keeping that topic for a future blog post about ways to save $ and inexpensively create incredible art and decor projects for your home...and awesome tips for organizing on a shoestring (or even no) budget at all!! Stay tuned for those posts!! Looking forward to another amazing week!! Take care & God bless, and once again Thank you so much for stopping by!!